So after a great weekend, I’m back to spinning my wheels. I woke up feeling really anxious yesterday and haven’t been able to really shake that feeling for the past couple of days. When I’m around people, it comes across as excitement but when I’m alone it really started to feel like something else. I got home last night after running an errand and got all decked out for a cold run and wasn’t even able to make it down the block before I decided to fuck the run and go home. I made dinner and tried to breathe. It’s been a while since I’ve felt like I’m feeling right now and I figured writing it out might help.

On a daily basis I’m doing ok. I’m finally eating regularly, not skipping meals and working out consistently. I can’t really pinpoint where this anxiety is coming from and I’m doing my best to manage it. I stopped drinking for the month (will see if that continues) and it could be that I was medicating some of the anxiety away. I’m not a heavy drinker by any means and the past couple months have been pretty spare but for some reason I’m feeling it. I told my friend yesterday I needed a run and a drink so maybe that will be what happens tonight. I need something, for sure.

The holidays are upon us and I’m really working on keeping perspective as my kids come in and out of my daily life, it has been a challenge to say the least. I’ll be up in Minnesota for a day and a half but other than that it is split between being with my kids and being by myself. No schedule, no planned activities just an open calendar and it is scaring the shit out of me.