I have felt alone the last week and half more than I had in a long time and it is something that I’ve gotten used to. I don’t know that getting used to the feeling is necessarily positive but as a coping mechanism getting accustomed to the feeling is helpful. The kids went back to their mother on Sunday morning and my day was pretty much a wash after that. I knew I would be picking them up again on Wednesday but it didn’t really matter in the moment. I went for a run and tried to keep things on track for the rest of the day but it wasn’t really much use. I thought about what I wanted my students to be working on in the coming week and the things that I wanted to accomplish in my time between checking in on students and checking in on myself. The list is quite small.

Monday and Tuesday were pretty much the same kind of day. I got up and checked on student work, worked out and ran and then tried to make the day stretch out into something useful. Wednesday I got up early and worked out and then had a meeting which took up my time to eat and headed out for a run before I needed to pick the kids up. I’ve played with the idea of fasted runs before and up to a certain distance it isn’t a problem but this was all before I started doing weighted exercise as well. I burned off all my glycogen stores in the workout before the run and I made it about 2 miles before my body decided there wasn’t enough in there to keep running. I run/walked it in and it took me a while to cool down before I went to pick the kids up. As I was driving over to pick them up, I realized what I had done and why it was so hard to keep moving on that particular run. Lesson learned again…

Saturday, after the kids got picked up on Friday evening, I got ready to head out for a long run. I didn’t have a distance in mind and I had a vague idea of where I might go. I grabbed a gel and a liter of water and headed out the door. I was hydrated and I had eaten breakfast so I figured that I would be fine. Ha! I headed up towards UNT with a plan to run around the old neighborhood and back and things felt really good. I was moving consistently and I felt quick, at least quick for a long run. I saw Thomas out walking his son and his dog and I waved at the kiddo and chatted with Thomas before I headed off. A few seconds later I looked up the hill where they were and saw this little russet blur coming down the hill towards me. It was the dog. He ran up to me and licked my knee, looked up at me pleased and then bombed back up the hill to Thomas. I guess I forgot to say hi to the dog before.

I headed out Bonnie Brae and through the road construction that has torn up a small section of the road. I planned to be smart and run the part I thought might be closed first, Corbin Road under 35W and out to 2449 and John Paine Road, thinking I would get that out of the way so the way back would be easy. Things were moving consistently and I was just starting to tap into my water around mile 6. I stopped on the top of the bridge over 35W and took a selfie and the gel (90 calories) and then headed back down to Bonnie Brae on Allred Road. The city council had just passed a zoning change out on Allred where two huge subdivisions will come up over the next 40 years, 15,000 houses. Right now, these are cow pastures as fa as the eye can see. I turned back onto Bonnie Brae to head back and could tell right away that the run back in would be a grind. It was getting warmer and I had already gone through half of my water. It was a long way back.

I kept running knowing that at some point I would probably have to walk it in at some point when I started hurting from lack of water. I made it thought the stadium and back over to UNT before I had to really slow it down and start walking. Normally in this situation I would reroute through a city park with water fountains, all closed, or stop by a gas station and beg off some water, not comfortable going in dripping to ask for some water, or stop by a friend’s house to refill but I didn’t feel comfortable doing any of that in the current climate. My cousin called and so we chatted for while as I was walking through the neighborhoods around Calhoun, saw a runner I recognize and we talked for a minute and I finally made it home as I hung up with my cousin.

I made it into the house and got out of my running clothes, the sky was darkening and the storms we had expected earlier started to blow in. My friend suggested a hot bath and I jumped in there to warm up and stop shaking from dehydration and chills. I was ok. The bath really helped bring some energy back to my body and I went into the kitchen to get some food and realized we’d eaten all of the snacks over the last few weeks. I made some lunch, ate the last of my rice and quinoa, and settled in for the afternoon watching the storms blow through and imagining if I had been out in that instead of the sunny weather from just a short while before.

There is a metaphor in there somewhere. Better to be alone in a safe place than to be out in the storm unprotected or whatever.

Yesterday I went out for a quick run and had a solid 10k with negative splits for my trouble. I felt really strong and light and it was a nice contrast to the stupid rookie shit that I was pulling off the rest of the week.

I think what it comes down to is that being in the situation we are in I’m starting to lose sight of the gains that I’ve made over the last few years with regard to knowledge about running and life. If you aren’t feeding yourself and making sure you plan to take care of yourself it is easy to get caught up in the moment and then end up screwed but still have to walk it in. There isn’t anything wrong with walking it in but it is a different process with a different end result. We can’t run in this lockdown, the kick for the last 400 meters isn’t possible when the end of the race isn’t even known. Pace yourself.