It’s just after 8 I’m a Friday morning, one I had already taken off to try and recuperate from the craziness of the last few months, and I’m sitting on the 4th floor of the county courthouse about to get divorced. I never anticipated taking this picture, the view I didn’t plan for, but here it is.

I woke the kids up a little bit later than usual this morning because I didn’t have to be at work after dropping them off and got in a workout before things got rolling. Sophie kept asking me why I was stressed, I guess I’m pretty terrible at hiding things, but I couldn’t really explain that when I picked them up from school, something I wanted to do today anyway, their parents would officially be divorced. I ran the kids to school and made my way to the courthouse and sometime in the next hour or so it’ll be final.

I’ve got all kinds of business to take care of today, car repair and inspection and a couple of other things. I’ll have time with my kids this weekend and next weekend and at some point I’ll be able to breathe, just not today.

Update: Things were fine at the courthouse, just going through a script and then getting things filed with the clerk. It was quick and mostly painless. Today was also adoption day so there were all of these happy families coming together while mine was finally apart. My council asked me if I was doing ok and I wasn’t lying when I said that I was, at the moment. I got in my car after everything and planned to head over to Golden Boy for some coffee and a chance to chill and I could feel the cresting waves of emotion but they didn’t break through. I wasn’t trying to keep anything buried, I don’t stuff this kind of thing anymore, but it just didn’t break through. I grabbed my stuff from the house and headed over for some coffee.

So now things are final, things are done. I’m officially single for the first time in over 15 years and I’m good with that. I’m choosing to focus on myself and my kids and setting up my life for growth and success moving forward regardless of what that looks like or what it means.

While I was waiting in the courtroom, there was a young person who had come before the court to petition for a name change, in this case to a name that fit their gender, and it inspired me to look at the future with new eyes. I will always have my kids and always be interacting my ex when it comes to the kids but I’m not going to let that past relationship define what my future will be.

I’m sitting at the Subaru dealership getting some work done, a clock battery shifted during transport and punched a hole in the panel, and it looks like I’m also getting my inspection and taillight changed at the same time, two birds and one less stop I have to make on the way home. I’ll probably try to climb or run before I go pick up the kids to get the ya-ya’s out before we spend the weekend together.

I’ll keep posting here regularly but hopefully it will be about my growth journey more than the divorce from here on out. I’ve got a birthday coming up in a few months and a very busy holiday season and I’m looking forward, never back.