Tuesday was a long day. Students were getting a little crazy as they were looking forward to the weekend and the break, I was staring down a meeting with the district fine arts folks and the other theatre teachers in my zone followed by the violin concert. I knew that both had the potential to be problematic for me emotionally because my ex-in-laws were going to be at the concert and I never quite know how meetings are going to at the district level.
I went into the meeting assuming it was going to be rough and I think my preconceived ideas shaded the meeting more than they needed to. We got a printout with retention numbers from grade to grade and that is a really sore spot for me because I don’t have any control over scheduling. This year there was even an error in course codes so I didn’t get between 35-40 kids who wanted to continue in classes but couldn’t either because they were being forced to choose between advanced theatre and advanced orchestra (an easy choice for a musician) or there simply wasn’t a class coded for them that would allow them to take the next level. It was a clusterfuck when I heard about it but it was beyond my control. Every year my schedules have been totally fucked and I’ve been a big “advocate until it doesn’t matter and then go with the flow” type. This meeting wasn’t an attack but I was feeling it that way, especially when the high school said they had 25 kids audition for their musical. They’ve got a student population of over 2,000 and somehow I feel a little responsible for not sending in large classes of freshman ready to jump in and get to work. I know I’m not responsible for their program but I wish that I knew my students were going to a thriving program where they could be successful.

I left the meeting and drove over to the middle school where the concert was. I ended up sitting with a colleague and her husband and then my dad joined us. My ex-wife and her parents came in and sat behind us, my son came down and sat with me through the concert and at the end, I turned around and my ex was there but her parents were already on the way to the door. I didn’t expect them to want to talk to me but it wasn’t as much of a “fuck you” as I thought it would be. We walked down to see my daughter and then I headed back to the house. When I got home, I ran.

Wednesday work was fine, we had auditions for the next show at work, 3 kids, and I went home and got a workout and two runs in between the storms. Thursday we had close to 30 kids audition and I went and climbed for an hour with Ben and Chris and Josh. Friday I got up, worked out and then headed in for a short day. I had a couple kids trickle in that couldn’t make the auditions during the week and we got things settled for that. We were on a short schedule because they always do a student v. staff volleyball game and it was a good way to end the week.
I picked the kids up and we came home and put some of the house stuff my step-mother brought over earlier in the week. Things are starting to feel a bit more like a home, the kids are more comfortable and we’ve got through Wednesday to settle in before they head back to their mother. Finalizing the divorce has somehow given me back a feeling of agency that was missing, I feel more in control and able to make some decisions. I’ve eaten 3 meals a day all week, even. If it is just variations on the same I’m getting into healthier habits.