Today we worked on stage combat with Ashley White in the morning and then intimacy direction in the afternoon. I was on board for the stage combat training, it was very dynamic and safe and something very physical and concrete. I had a great time working with different partners learning how to help students tell stories through physicality and movement. We broke for lunch and then things got…weird?

Not really weird. I got weird. We were paired up to work on some connection exercises and I didn’t expect to be ambushed by the emotional side of things. We did the first round of High Five, Handshake or Hug and things were ok. We were given a set of circumstances and had to connect with our partner as we switched sides. Clay and I had worked together on the stage combat side of things so we paired up again for this and it was totally fine until the prompt “Partner A is seeing a lost love after 6 years and has given up hope of ever seeing them again.” Well, fuck me. Wow. I made it through the sequence, the handshake, and back to my spot and then I almost had to bow out of the exercise.

What I was feeling in that moment was so deeply personal and left me shaken to the point where I didn’t really want to go home to an empty house. As much as I feel like I’m making some kind of progress here, and I am, there is a hell of a long way to go until I’m not constantly ambushed by these feelings. Then I had a meeting with my principal, who is amazing, and almost lost it in there too. Ugh.

If you see me around and I look a little rough around the edges or like I’m not doing a great job of holding things together, just give me a hug, you have my enthusiastic yes on that.