The last time I was out here was almost 18 months ago and a lifetime ago. It feels like familiar country even though we were only out here for a couple of days originally back in the summer of 2018 for the #pleased show Spiderweb toured out to a tiny little performance space/storage unit around the corner from Meow Wolf and connected with local musicians and artists and had a grand old time. I drove out here with Sam (Spiderweb) and then back with Sam and Kim and I remember the trip out and back as very quick and very long at the same time. Almost a year later, to the date, I was driving back from timing a race at Palo Duro outside of Amarillo and contemplating driving west instead of east, away from the life I couldn’t see myself in anymore and towards…who knows?

The beginnings of the end(s?) were here, Leaping Deer Ranch the site of the bleeding edge of an existential crisis that began with simple kindness and consideration. People who reveled in each other’s company and art without judgment. Honestly, it was a crisis that was a long time coming but driving up with my children today I recalled those moments.

I woke up yesterday feeling rough, cold or allergies or something settling in so I was nervous about the drive today but committed to the trip. Sophie was concerned and she asked me if we were still going to go to Santa Fe…those questions always get me because they remind me that they are coming from a place of plans that are made and not carried out. I can’t count how many trips we didn’t go on, movies we bought tickets to and didn’t go see…normal. For my kids, I will keep plans. I slept on the couch and took some medicine to help me sleep and woke up mostly feeling better. Caffeine and some donuts and we hit the road!

Tomorrow we are heading out for a walk in the morning and then Meow Wolf around noon. I’m really excited to have the kids see it and experience it!