The sugar ants arrived with the rain. The rain last week that poured down so much that the depression in my backyard that buts up to Carroll flooded to the point that just yesterday it finally dried out to the point where I can see the ground instead of the murk. The kids came over on Wednesday for a few days since we are currently under a stay home order which isn’t something that I thought I would ever see, barring the fascist apocalypse that I’ve seen coming since I was in high school. And while it is arguably still coming at us, the current stay home order is reminiscent of stories I read about other times in history, times of great upheaval but also times of growth. I was talking to my kiddos as we went for a walk on Thursday afternoon about the fact that we are living history. My daughter, 11 and voraciously curious about the world in much the same way I was when I was her age, thought that prospect was really cool and I guess on some level it is, just not for the reasons we’d like.

So on Tuesday as I was cleaning my house after spending a long period alone and not having a real reason to fully clean, I noticed a little black ant on the counter running along the edge of the mat that my kombucha brews on. I smushed the little fucker because…ants…and looked around to see where they might be coming from and what could possibly be attracting them. It was a candy cane that my son left open on the counter for months and the wet weather finally pushed the ants inside looking for drier climes. I pulled everything off of the counter and cleaned the whole area, sink included, and even went as far as laying down a line of sea foam green bathroom cleaner as a defense mechanism to try and stop the line. I did some research on natural pest killers because I didn’t want to go to the store around the corner because of the craziness and one remedy was boric acid mixed with peanut butter but I’m not wasting peanut butter on that. I’ve moved into eating peanut butter toast with a banana for breakfast and when I find something that works I stick with it for a while.

I decided that cleaning the counter was going to have to be it for now and everyday since I’ve been waging a slow battle against the sugar ants. They don’t really bother me and there isn’t anything left out for them to find but if it makes them feel better to come inside right now too, I feel ya.

The past few weeks have been a challenge because I live alone. I live alone but I don’t thrive on being alone. I spend, and have spent over the years, a lot of time alone. Many of those years I was alone due to emotional distance in my marriage, in fact I can’t see another reason, and I always found my communities and connections with other people outside of the home. Since I’ve been in my own place I’ve made it a point to bring people in and make them a part of my life, my life alone. I’m not seeing anyone and while I have many good, close friends, none of them live with me. As much as I’ve been pushing my mind to grow the last few months, I haven’t done a lot of that kind of work lately because I guess I’m trying to stay a little removed from the emotional side of what I’m seeing/feeling.

Anyway, I’m going to try and write some everyday to keep my mind engaged, run a bit more everyday to keep my body moving and come out of this forced isolation with something I can take with me when the doors are finally open again.