It’s been a busy week. After winding down from Johnson Branch and getting in some running and climbing, the move was here again. The last time I moved, it was a “get your shit and go” move, in May. It really seems like it was longer but I guess that is the nature of emotional exhaustion. Things seem like they are moving slower or time stretches further than anticipated. All summer, my focus has been on trying to get to a healthy place, a stable and ready to move forward place and summer is ending. It doesn’t mean that the work is done, it simply means that my roles are changing.
Last night, for the first time since the beginning of the summer, my kids came and spent the night with me. They are still sleeping, in fact, because it is early and because we stayed up late watching a movie. I moved in to this new place on Thursday with the help of Matt and Tyler and Kristin and spent most of the day sweating and annoyed that the power hadn’t been turned on yet. I spent the night at my dad’s place because the power wasn’t on. I got up early and called the utilities to see what was going on and the power WAS on, it had just been switched off at the breaker outside. Sigh. Once that was sorted, it was time to close on the old house and then try to get things settled in.
Kaley came over and brought some sage to smudge the place. I had never done this until I met Kristi and she was all into it, I carried that ritual over into the new place since it is a fresh space for me to build a life with my kids and on my own. I got the kitchen mostly sorted while she was walking around the house and was able to repurpose a small wire baker’s rack into a mini-pantry on the countertop. There isn’t a lot of space in the kitchen for storage but I’ll deal with that another day. I got rooms mostly sorted out, the kids’ beds haven’t arrived yet, and Wi-Fi installed and running.
In the early evening, I drove down to the kids’ apartment to pick them up. I left my wallet at home and had to drive back to get it (just a couple of blocks) and the anxiety of the situation started to settle in. I didn’t want to be late. I didn’t want to look like I couldn’t handle my shit. I circled back around and made my way back to their place. They are in one of the newer apartment complexes on the south side of town and after I was buzzed in, I picked them up. I tried to keep things together, and I did, picking them up. Driving to Target to get some things, I kept things together. My dad and step-mom were at Target, planned, because they wanted to buy the kids some fun sheets and bed things and I needed to get some things for breakfast in the morning. They ended up buying the stuff at Target and coming over to help the kids get settled in as much as they can without real beds.
After they left, the kids crawled into my bed for a movie night with some popcorn. We made it to 10:00 before it was clearly time for bed.
Today we are going to make breakfast, maybe go look for a chair and look through some old pictures that were in a box in the attic at the old house. They go back on Sunday night and then I roll into my other role as a teacher and get back to the grind. I’m going to continue seeing my counselor during the fall at least and keep trying to make positive steps in the right direction.