I’m sitting in my hotel room, it is almost 9pm MST and I’m pretty wiped. Two planes, driving around Bozeman with my cousin Drew and meeting his GF and her kiddo were all just part of what went on today. I almost didn’t make this trip because of all the things that are going on but I’m glad I did, so far.
I’ve tried to establish a routine of calling my kids everyday around the same time and today was one of the first days that I couldn’t due to travel. I did finally get ahold of them later in the day, much later in their day due to the time difference. I have made an effort to “be okay” when I talk to my kids so that they won’t worry and tonight was hard to keep it together on the phone. Probably partially due to the fact I’ve been up since 4:15 am and my body is thinking it’s an hour later and just being out of my element.
I think the overwhelming thing about this trip is that I’m in denial about how well I’m doing emotionally. I keep telling myself I’m doing better and trying to do better and making good choices and it doesn’t really help. Time? Possibly. Talk? Possibly. It’s ok to not be ok and I guess that means I’m ok?