Sunday Courtney and Conor stopped by the house to check things out and say “hi". The kids were pretty excited to have some people in the house that they hadn’t seen in a long time and Courtney brought her instant camera and took some nice pictures of me and the kids. My son took a couple of pictures too and it is really nice, and hard, to look at the fridge and see those pictures smiling back at me.
The weekend with the kids was over pretty quickly on Sunday when their mother came to pick them up. Things were less weird than the last time that she came to pick them up and I count that as a good thing. Trying to maintain at least a polite relationship with her has been something I’ve tried to focus on because we are working together to raise these kiddos, even if I only see them 9-10 days a month during the school year. It was hard to see them go and I got emotional for the first time in four or five days. I know they’ll be back and I can talk to them when I want to but it is still tough to see them walk out the door and know that I won’t see them for over a week.
I had planned to make it to the Sundown fundraiser show on Sunday evening to support Courtney and George but by the time the kids left, I wasn’t really in a spot where sitting for two hours around some emotionally heavy work would have been a good plan. Autumn had invited me over for a cookout thing and I decided that was going to be a better fit for where I was at emotionally in that particular moment. Honestly, until I got to the cookout I was still planning to try and make it over to see the show at Aura but after sitting for a few minutes, realized I was where I needed to be. Light conversation and some drinks were what I needed after the struggle of getting the kids ready to go and trying to be ok with seeing them walk out the door.
Stayed out till around 9:30, got home and fell asleep on the couch for a while meaning that today when I woke up I was pretty tired and didn’t really feel like running but I did it anyway. Last year I had started run-commuting a few times a week and really started to like getting my runs at the beginning and end of the day. Today I drove to work and ran a couple of miles at Southlakes before heading in to shower and get ready for work. My stomach was a little sour this morning, brisket and such the night before isn’t what my stomach is used to at this point, but I made the miles work for me. They day itself was pretty uneventful. It never ceases to amaze me how the dynamics of a class can either be really good or bad depending on scheduling and I saw a little bit of everything today. We are working in all of my classes on building an ensemble feeling and so far things are moving in the direction that I’d like to see them head for the rest of the year.
I’ve been trying to focus on doing my job and going home and being ok with that. I don’t really spend any time talking to other adults at work which has been both good and bad, especially if I don’t have any plans when I get off work I might go all day without talking with someone and that can be difficult. I normally thrive when I’m building relationships with other people and I feel like I’m in a spot where I don’t know how to invite people into my life, such as it is. I always appreciate the people that are willing to just reach out and ask me to come do things with them, big groups, small groups it doesn’t really make a difference right now.
I’m going to head up and climb for a bit and then try to wrap my head around the next few weeks for work and timing and get my goals for the next few months lined up with regard to personal growth and the direction I want to head in the coming years. Lots to ponder and process.